Holiday Bonus

I'm continuing my commitment to "Mad House" -- a sort of group posting on a topic of the day -- with this post.

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Growing up, the entire family spent Christmases in Florida at my Grandma and Grandpa's house. My Aunt and Uncle flew in from Oregon, my Aunt and cousin flew in from Boston, and we, my parents, brother and I, drove from N. Louisiana. It was a 3-day trip because my Mom gets gruesomely carsick, so we would stop each night at a hotel to give her a break. We always knew we were getting close when we started seeing nothing but orange trees for miles and miles. We knew that when those orange groves stopped, we'd be at Stuart, Florida and ready for the big Christmas that we loved so much.

My Grandpa was the son of poor Swedish immigrants and spoke Swedish fluently, though spoke English just as well having been born in this country. He was the man who taught us how to laugh, as he was the most humor-filled man I have ever met. I think, like many immigrant sons, he needed that humor to balance his home life with the life outside. He was a brilliant pianist and I have no shortage of memories of standing around the piano singing Christmas carols. Uncle David played the flute and would join in, as well as my brother, Tony, who played the trombone. The year I played French Horn, I played along as well. Grandma believed in hot lunches, with the occasional sandwich lunch thrown in. Everyone brought a treat of some kind, and we never, EVER missed cocktail hour.

The memories of Christmases past is filled with laughter, music, and the smell of food.

So, it's appropriate this year that these memories, my holiday bonus, overwhelm me as we get closer to Christmas because this is the first Christmas in close to 20 years that we will gather together again -- this time here in my town -- and celebrate with each other. After my grandparents died, and my brother and I went to build our own families, we stopped our yearly Christmas gathering. Frank and I celebrated on our own, and then got together at either my parents' house or my brothers' house on the way to his family Christmas. Tony celebrated with his in-laws, and my parents would have a small Christmas here before heading to Tony's, followed by flying out to Oregon to meet up with my aunts and uncle. We've gone our separate ways, for the most part, in the last 20 years, creating new traditions and mingling the old within, but this year will be a throwback to the old, sans piano and sans Grandma and Grandpa. But I long to give my kids a taste of a big family Christmas. Because they're the only grandchildren, they will get to revel in the attention and the presents, while I get to relive childhood memories. A holiday bonus, indeed.

The Invevitable Holiday Post

Holidays bring out the best, and the worst, in me. It's a dichotomy of good v. evil that lives in a lot of us, I think. We yearn to be the providers of joy to our families and have a competitive desire to be the family member remembered for making the holiday great. Especially because I harbor some jealousy toward my brother, which he probably didn't know until this post, I try to put on a front of superiority despite riches in his presence. And my Mom succeeds in bringing that down every, single time.

Last week, I had the impression that, after Christmas, I would bring the kids down to Houma to visit my brother and his wife...especially since my aunts and uncle would be down here for the first time since Tony's wedding in 2003. It's not like we have the dough to just jet up to Boston or out to Oregon to see them, so it's rare that I get to see them. It was enough of a hurt that they were going to go down to Houma to see Tony and Tammy without knowing that my Mom's idea of fun didn't include her grandkids seeing their great aunts and great uncle. To me, it was the idea that they'd rather show off Tony's new house than their grandchildren...it hurt my heart. I've never been able to understand my Mom's desire to trot off to Houma whenever family is in town...now I know she's embarrassed of me.

It makes sense, though. We don't have a lot of money, we tend not to be very social, and we definitely do not put on airs of importance. As such, we tend to fade into the background. Tony and Tammy don't do that, either, but they tend to be much more social, have a large network of family and friends, and spend their money on fun things because they don't have kids to funnel all their resources to. I don't envy them that because my kids are my heart and soul, along with my husband.

I did get the chance to talk to Tony tonight and mentioned that we would very much like to visit them and see their new house...especially their beautiful built-in aquarium. His response? "Why don't you come at Christmas? We'll find room."

Sigh.

Just another act that proves my Mom is more worried about appearances than us. We embarrass her, plain and simple. The things I've done to alienate myself from my Mom have eternally hurt her, and she'll never let me forget it.