Why is it always a fight?

I know it's been a few days since I've posted, but there are several good reasons. As I've sunk deeper and deeper into my depression, I have struggled to get the help I need...and it has not been easy. Originally, I was scheduled to see a psychiatrist on the 5th November which, when you're severally depressed, is a long, long way away. My PCP couldn't get me in any sooner and a sobbing phone call from me elicited nothing but, "That's the only date we have."

So...on Friday morning, I drove the 30 miles to the VA Medical Clinic (VAMC) in Monroe to attempt to get some help. I was there for many hours, which is not a bad thing by any means. They just happened to get me in to see my new psychiatrist on Monday. Yes...Monday. I was amazed, and I'm very content to know that the the end of this pit is beginning.

Now, I've heard from several people about my legal "troubles." I think now is the time to talk about it, as few people seemed to know. In May, 2006, I was suicidal and cutting myself. I went to see a local doctor in hopes he would give me enough Lortab for a "bad back" that I could swallow it down with a bottle of vodka and end my pain. He didn't. So, I stole a sheet off of his prescription pad while he was out of the room. I forged a prescription for SIX Lortab as a test...if it worked, I would do another for more, swallow them down with the vodka, and never have to deal with it again. Well, it didn't work. I was caught by the pharmacist, who rightfully called the police. I now have a felony on my record for "Attempt to obtain CDS by forgery." Fortunately, I was granted an Article 893. Article 893 says that I can get the felony permanently removed from my record.

But hiring the lawyer to get it removed takes money. Because I have not been able to get a job, I don't have the money for the lawyer. Because I have the felony, I cannot get a job. It's a vicious cycle.

And that's where my life is right now. I'm hoping that my new job (YAY) will allow me the funds to hire the lawyer to get the felony off of my record and, thus, remove some of the depression that has plagued me because of the felony.

You wanted to know. You now know. And it is finally no longer my shameful "secret."