The Invevitable Holiday Post

Holidays bring out the best, and the worst, in me. It's a dichotomy of good v. evil that lives in a lot of us, I think. We yearn to be the providers of joy to our families and have a competitive desire to be the family member remembered for making the holiday great. Especially because I harbor some jealousy toward my brother, which he probably didn't know until this post, I try to put on a front of superiority despite riches in his presence. And my Mom succeeds in bringing that down every, single time.

Last week, I had the impression that, after Christmas, I would bring the kids down to Houma to visit my brother and his wife...especially since my aunts and uncle would be down here for the first time since Tony's wedding in 2003. It's not like we have the dough to just jet up to Boston or out to Oregon to see them, so it's rare that I get to see them. It was enough of a hurt that they were going to go down to Houma to see Tony and Tammy without knowing that my Mom's idea of fun didn't include her grandkids seeing their great aunts and great uncle. To me, it was the idea that they'd rather show off Tony's new house than their grandchildren...it hurt my heart. I've never been able to understand my Mom's desire to trot off to Houma whenever family is in town...now I know she's embarrassed of me.

It makes sense, though. We don't have a lot of money, we tend not to be very social, and we definitely do not put on airs of importance. As such, we tend to fade into the background. Tony and Tammy don't do that, either, but they tend to be much more social, have a large network of family and friends, and spend their money on fun things because they don't have kids to funnel all their resources to. I don't envy them that because my kids are my heart and soul, along with my husband.

I did get the chance to talk to Tony tonight and mentioned that we would very much like to visit them and see their new house...especially their beautiful built-in aquarium. His response? "Why don't you come at Christmas? We'll find room."

Sigh.

Just another act that proves my Mom is more worried about appearances than us. We embarrass her, plain and simple. The things I've done to alienate myself from my Mom have eternally hurt her, and she'll never let me forget it.